I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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