She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
