The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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