There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
