Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
