Pants 0. Shit 1.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
