Betty ford says i'm here all night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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