I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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