people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
