Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
