Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
