Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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