I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
