im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
