true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
