She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
