I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
