lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
