I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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