My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
