Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
