Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize