Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
