Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
