Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
