i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
