I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
