Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
wow bdsm is so cute
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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