this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
