A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
