everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize