I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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