I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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