Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
