Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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