I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
