and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
