very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
