So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
