Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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