I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
