just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
