OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
