i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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