I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
