The maid of honor just puked.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
