she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
