Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
