i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize