Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
