Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize