you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
