I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
