I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
