put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
