did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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