And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you made out with another girl for some wings
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
