tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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