girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just had sex on a roof
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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