I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
where are my eyebrows?
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