My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
