If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You need a sexual gate keeper
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
