Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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