the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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