Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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