FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
