I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
