I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
