I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
