just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
