woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Randomize
