I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
