I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
