youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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