what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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