she looked like the before picture.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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