It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
