Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
