I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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