As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
