Its about making memories worth repressing
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize