On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
