If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
