I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what day is it and did you see me today?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
