i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
