I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
