took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
