p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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