East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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