her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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