I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
