with your own penis?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
