My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
