wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
