We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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