I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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