I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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